Dedicated to Sarah xxx Standing against abuse

When did it become OK to be abusive to other human beings? When did abuse become something like at least 1 in 5 people, men and women, have suffered in relationships? Is it just me or is this something that is becoming more and more common in today’s society?

Shouldn’t it be the other way around? As a society we are moving forward in so many ways so how is this occurring more and more?? Or rather are the acts more violent? I’m struggling to comprehend how a human being can harbor this hatred/ violence in them?

This blog is dedicated to Sarah Refilwe Molewa (Fifi). A sweet, young, bright, talent young woman, with a whole future ahead of her. Her life was selfishly taken by a brutal individual (who seemed so completely normal) who took her life because he could not grasp she was moving on. WHY????

Cases like Sarah’s should be all over the news to spread awareness on Violence.

Yes. It may be true. Women don’t like to press charges against domestic violence. Because they love the guy. Because they feel its “their fault”, because they feel they can “recuse him”.

Whether you are a woman or a man you should know that no-one should ever hold “POWER” over you. No one should ever get another chance to hit you. Right? From what I have been reading and from the people I’ve spoken to, I realize it’s easier said than done.

“Leaving an abusive partner is a very difficult thing to do. It frequently feels like you are failing, or destroying your family, or not trying to work things out, or not giving your partner “a second chance.” It hurts, and it’s scary.” – Blaine Nelson

From what I have seen, you need to gather every single strength inside of you, no matter how much you love that individual and WALK AWAY; STRAIGHT AWAY. DO NOT give them another chance, CUT contact with them. There is such a fine line between hitting someone and accidently KILLING them! Do not be afraid to speak out, this is not a reflection on who you are you have done nothing wrong!

In my personal opinion, we all feel anger, we all feel (at some point in our relationship) that we want to just slap our partners. It is the WILL POWER we exercise however that distinguishes you as a human being. If someone doesn’t have that will power to NOT hit you, how do they exercise will power in the rest of their lives?

One incident, and YOU LEAVE. PLEASE.. Violent people don’t get better without a lot of work, and it’s not “your” problem. Once someone raises a hand to you, you owe that person nothing. It’s likely that the violent behavior will escalate. Sometimes it is deliberate. Either way, YOU LEAVE. You can care for them from a distance.

Abusers are rich and poor and middle class or somewhere in between. One trait they all share is that the abuser usually comes across as arrogant, however they actually feel very inadequate and want to remain in control. One thing I know for sure is that domestic violence happens in every strata of society. No race or socio-economic class is immune.

To all the woman/ men out there that have been affected by domestic violence, I pray that you can find new hope. Please don’t wait too late…

Credit to EL Rey Photography

To Sarah (Fifi) and her memory and to her family/ close friends; I know every day it feels unbelievable, you wake up and think “did this really happen”, every day you think she will still call/ walk through the door. She was a strong young women with a firm head on her shoulders. She had found the power within herself to walk away from this. An evil human being hunted her down. Her memory lives on and I know with her story, we can make a difference in people’s lives. She was destined for such a bright future and we must continue to live this for her.

The only thing I hope is Mr Sthoks Mkhize (yes I’m not afraid to name him) stays behind bars for a long long long time. The one thing you will never get to take away is the legacy of this beautiful young woman.

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12 thoughts on “Dedicated to Sarah xxx Standing against abuse

  1. What a tragic story!! Couldn’t agree more with your sentiments and advice. These people should be removed from society!! Condolences to all her family and friends. xxx

  2. Never does another human being have the right to lay so much as a finger on another in that manner. I hope he realizes the gravity of what he did and let his stay behind bars set an example to others who have violent tendencies. Rest in peace Fifi.

  3. No matter how long he spends locked away behind bars, his punishment will last a life time, till his last breath he will carry the thoughts and knowledge that he is amongst a group that are worst of human kind – those who take life. Unjustified killing can never be forgiven. I can only hope he feels the pain that everyone is going through as a result of his action. After his last breath his true judgement will be made. I pray for Fifi, my love and thoughts are with her family x

  4. My deepest sympathy to her Family. May God comfort you and give you the strength to go thru this. May the memory of her smile bring warmth to your heart.That was indeed gone too soon! As for the murderer, this is something that he’ll live with for the rest of his life. his selfish act will eat him to his grave. May other girls in abusive relationship be inspired to walk away before its too late.

  5. I knew Sthoks since he was in junior school. This whole story has saddened me. Two beautiful, intelligent, people with so much potential and great futures, with so much to live for, destoyed. This was not the idyllic future I foresaw for him. My heart goes out to all families and friends concerned. I like to focus on the sweet boy I knew growing up. No love should be destructive or abusive.

  6. Two beautiful, intelligent people with so much to live for. Love should never be destructive nor abusive. My heartfelt condolences to all family members and friends of both parties. A single incident and so many lives affected! I watched you grow up Sthoks, this is not the future I foresaw for you. I am deeply saddened by this story. RIP Sarah.

  7. I met Fifi on an airplane,going to London, tho we wr kids I ws drawn by her smile. Y wod anyone take tht away frm us. Abuse is escalating nd it is time we stand together nd stop it once nd for all. To all the women out please do not protect these people, they are cruel nd harmful nd they do not deserve u Walk away someone as beautiful as u desrves to be treated rite

  8. This is sad, i knew the bf sthoks…he was a well mannered, intelligent young man, but that does not excuse what he did though, I’m really shocked, he used to show me pictures of Sarah all the time, like a love puppy. I know this blog isn’t about him but about Sarah, a very beautiful woman with a bright future, this is sad…especially after what happened to Sarah aunt and uncle, apparently they also got murdered [ said Sarah father on a news paper article ] , but the murderers where never arrested [ justice was not served ] let’s hope this wont be the case.

  9. Such a beatiful words!!! I met Sarah in jhb.
    She was doing the final project for her university studies a wind tunnel. She was so cute so smilie so everything. I cant believe this reaaly happen. I just want god to make this guy pay for this.
    Sarah rest in peace…. My condolence to his family and closest friends.
    Sarah you will keep in my mind forever….
    Big kiss and hugh

  10. Such a tragedy. Sarah was at school with me and always had a huge smile on her face and never a bad word to say.
    As far as I know, Sthoks’ trial was set for the 13th of November….does anybody know what has come of this all?

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