Posted by: inthesestilettos | May 15, 2012

Relationships – Valuing those who mean the most

Anais Nin put it beautifully when she said,Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

Though some people are natural loners and are happy without them, most of us depend greatly on the company of true friends. As with any relationship, friendships bring support and joy and occasionally strife 🙂

As we grow, we realize it becomes less important to have MORE friends and more important to have REAL ones.

If you think about it, life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late. But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. These people are your real friends in life. They are the ones who matter most.

Heres a couple of things I feel true friends do in fact it kind of relates to your relationships too):

  1. They face problems together. – A person who truly knows and loves you, a real friend, is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes the smile on your face. Reality is you don’t need a friend who can solve all your problems; you need a friend you will face your problems WITH you. lo
  2. They GIVE what they can. – Truth be told a lot of us enter relationships to get something out of it. We try to find someone who’s going to make us feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last, and give us happiness in the long-term, is if we see our relationship/ friendship as a place we go to GIVE, not to take. Contrary to popular believe studies show you gain significant happiness and a sense of purpose from GIVING. It can only be a ‘give and take’ if BOTH SIDES are GIVING. That’s the key.
  3. They make time for each other. –  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they truly care about you, they will create one for you.
  4. They offer each other freedom. – A healthy relationship/ friendship keeps the doors and windows wide open.   Relationships thrive in this environment. If this person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world won’t make them leave.
  5. They communicate effectively. –  You NEED to get your thoughts OUT. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. The most popular myth is that, in relationships,  since you talk to your partner, you’re automatically communicating. But this is generally surface stuff. 80% of communication actually involves listening!
  6. They accept each other as is. – Trying to change a person NEVER works. A real friend is someone who truly knows you, and loves you just the same. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love THE REAL YOU.
  7. They are genuine. – Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.   
  8. They compromise.  – Real friends meet in the middle. When there’s a disagreement, they work out a solution that works for both parties – a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change or completely give in. It may even be that one party may decide to walk away, that it’s not worth the investment. That’s ok too, you have people in your life for different reasons and seasons.
  9. Belief in each other. – Studies of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes but who grew up to be happy and successful show that the one thing they had in common was someone who believed in them. Do this for those you care about. Support their dreams and passions and hobbies. Be nothing but encouraging. Whether they actually accomplish these dreams or not, your belief is of infinite importance to them and you made a difference to someones’ life.
  10. Be Realistic. – No one is happy all the time. Friends must keep realistic expectations of each other.  We are not all “Super-men” we have our day-to-day lives and get caught up in them. It may be that you don’t see your friends for months on end. A true friend is someone who you can see after years and you can pick up right from where you left off.
  11. They honor each other in small ways on a regular basis. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get. Every day you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by making small gestures, remember the giving? Making one person smile could change THEIR whole world. Your kindness and gratitude matters.It’s all too easy to take someone for granted.
  12. They keep their promises. – Your word means everything. This is HUGE to me, If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT!It doesnt mean you can’t ever cancel or change but your word is your integrity, something that is so crucial to never lose.
  13. They stick around. – The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave (going back to the seasons). . We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our REAL ones are.

“A Real Friend is one who walks in when others walk out” -Walter Winchell

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